10 Types of People You Might Encounter at a Hostel

Real post coming soon. Currently under time/data limitations with this internet connection. To paraphrase a local:  the lack of free wifi in Auckland is frankly kind of embarrassing for a first world country. 

10. (Valencia) Japanese girls.

These model tourists are already asleep by the time you get home from the pub crawl and gone by the time you wake up extremely hungover. It's probably best that way such that they're not around to judge when you pull the trash can a little closer to your bed.

9. (Cordova) The family from Holland.

Aside from the fact that they occupy three out of the four beds in the room, the parents both sleep in their undies so after the first night you practically feel like one of them. The mom reads Harry Potter out loud in Dutch to the son before bed, which reminds you of your own childhood, and the dad snores just like yours.

8. (Marrakesh) The YOLO couple.

A German guy and Brazilian girl who exhibit dangerous signs of getting it on in your room but, thankfully, take it elsewhere. Still, it's pretty much a repeat of the Prague experience.

7. (Marrakesh) German bros.

Super chill and willing to share cigarettes and Hennessy.

6. (Marrakesh) The hiccoughing Icelander.

A perfectly agreeable gentleman with the curious tendency to, at the beginning of each sentence, inhale sharply like a fish gasping for air. It's disconcerting during conversations because this habit makes it seem like he's really surprised at everything you say.

5. (Essaouira) Dutch bros.

You may have made tentative plans to catch a bus together back to Marrakech, but in the morning when everyone is running late they can't bear to leave the hostel without breakfast. Such a shame; three strapping young men would have done wonders to fend off unwanted advances from local guys.

4. (Singapore) The future Jay Gatsby. 

I came back one night to find one other person still up in the common room - a Malaysian guy about my age who interrupted my blogging reverie by asking if we'd met somewhere before. I immediately said no, (it being my first time in Southeast Asia and all it seemed rather impossible) but it later occurred to me this was perhaps a flirting tactic. He spoke with a posh British accent, not uncommon in Singapore but usually it's more of a slight twang than full-on I-am-Lord-Crawley-of-Downton-Abbey speak. After he told me that he was Malaysian-born I asked him what he was doing in Singapore. And I distinctly recall him saying, and quite haughtily at that, "Oh, I don't speak like a local." (Didn't even answer my question, but whatever).

Other phrases he used that ultimately reminded me of Gatsby's verbal tic "old boy" to denote the class he longed to be associated with include: "What do your friends call you?" and "I apologize for the behavior of my colleagues." (As opposed to the more standard "What's your name?" or "Sorry my friends were being dicks last night...")

I find it rather off-putting when people put on airs but, who knows, maybe one day I'll read about him in the NYT and regret the time I didn't take him up on his offer for drinks.  

3. (Kuala Lumpur) The hostel staff.

Upon checking in, I was surprised to see two of the lower bunks converted into cave-like enclaves thanks to the plethora of towels, scarves and clothing hung around on each side, giving the strong impression that their inhabitants were in for much more than a short-term stay. And then, when I was going to bed, I realized why: the beds belonged to two of the staff members. It's not uncommon for young people to travel until they run out of money and then work at a hostel in exchange for room and board until they decide on their next move but, yeah, the caves. Those were a bit strange.

2. (Auckland) The working holidayer.

A guy on a work-holiday visa who, although perfectly friendly and civil in conversation, makes absolutely no effort to be quiet when he enters/exits the room after everyone else has turned in for the night. Aka the worst kind of roommate.

1. (Everywhere) Weary travelers who DGAF.

People who have been on the road for so long, met so many people and made so many memories that they can't keep them all straight. It's not that they don't want to talk to you, it's just that they're a little tired of making introductions, and by now they've been on the road for so long it would take a really long time to recap.