Having been a relatively heavy internet user for the better part of my life, I like to think I'm pretty savvy at keeping track of what gets shared in my public and private domains. This is to say that while I don't take self-portraits, ever, I also never tweet, reblog or publish anything that couldn't later be rationally justified.
The weekly entries I've been posting about my stint as an intern in a French pâtisserie have provided catharsis and helped keep me sane for what has undoubtedly been two of the hardest months of my life. But now that it's over, I'm beginning to realize that some of the content was a little too personal to be shared so freely. As always, my writing abounds with sarcasm and hyperbole but it's always rooted in honesty. So while I stand behind everything that was previously published and is currently in limbo, I also recognize that some individuals who might have stumbled upon the site could have misinterpreted where I was coming from at the time of writing. (But just to be clear - I never singled out any person, entity or activity that caused me particular distress).
Here's how I would summarize the experience:
I was, at times, completely miserable for reasons both within and beyond my control. I was constantly pushed to the limit - mentally and physically. I often thought (perhaps "fantasized" would be more appropriate) about quitting but I didn't and I'm glad I stuck with that decision. The internship made me reconsider a lot of things about myself and my life goals, which is part of the reason why I have removed the entries.
Perhaps I've read and listened to too much David Sedaris, but I believe that even the shittiest of situations has the potential to become a great story later on. Exactly how much later? Only time can tell. There were weeks when I wrote what I did in order to get myself to laugh at the absurdity of it all just so that I wouldn't cry instead. When I've had more time to reflect on the past couple months and my future plans, perhaps some of the texts will resurface under another guise. Because, for better or for worse, I can't deny that I'll be taking a lot of memories with me. So, for now, I'm redacting. Not recanting.
Since I started blogging about my internship I've noticed some trends in new viewership thanks to some curious search queries. Now, I won't pretend to be an expert, but if you have any questions about my experiences with culinary school or interning in a real French kitchen feel free to drop me a message via the contact page. I'd love to hear from you!