Chances are if you’re voluntarily working five-hour shifts in
a space less than half the size of a typical college dorm room alongside four others, you’re probably already a little crazy (or at least
eccentric). So just embrace it, because in all likelihood your next job will
not be as cool.
1. The Power Tool
He might seem okay at first, but behind the attractive boy-next-door façade lies an irritating web of condescension, cockiness and tendency to blame others that inevitably reminds you of all the frat boys you ever disliked in college. He monopolizes the speakers with his music and has song ADD to boot; it’s okay not to have great taste in music, but at least let something play all the way through once in a while.
If you’re a girl he might try to hit on you. If you’re a guy he will probably ask how much you bench or whether you’ve ever fucked a redhead. Because, guess what? He has. Umm, cool story, bro. Moving on…
2. The Flirt
Be careful, because not only will he try to distract you from working – he will probably succeed. By all accounts he is one of the most well liked people on staff and is always willing to help out, whether that means taking over your station or giving you a bear hug when you’re cold. Your heart might palpitate a bit when he gives you a peck on each cheek before saying goodbye until you remember that, duh, you’re in France and that kind of gesture is nothing special.
3. The Wisecracker
It’s all fun and games with this guy until he catches wind of something embarrassing that you did, in which case you will never hear the end of it. Case in point: the time I got black out drunk at a party attended by another co-worker and allegedly did many strange things that I don’t recall doing. He’s still laughing about it. But when he isn't making fun of you he's probably offering you sage life advice from the long professional career he had before entering the restaurant industry.
4. The Proud New Yorker
Although this kid most likely grew up in a suburb, he possesses all the self-entitlement of a stereotypical Manhattanite. He’s fast-talking, opinionated and an expert on everything – particularly when it comes to anything culturally related. Oh, but didn’t you know? New York City is the epicenter of civilization.
5. Canadian Expats**
Canadians never get stressed out when the gas doesn’t turn on or the automated ordering system malfunctions, nor are they ever goaded by the Power Tool’s off-color jokes. They work hard, provide comic relief through the occasional deadpan one-liner and play a well-curated selection of indie music; that is when the Power Tool isn’t around. Rock on, guys.
*The people described in this list are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.
**This also applies to British expats.